Finding Strength

         I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

 Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

Matthew 19:26

 

It has been an emotionally draining week.  But like many obstacles in life, lessons are always learned, so for that, I am thankful.

 

I want to be useful.  I want my life to be worthy of breath and existence.  I step out in life welcoming tasks that I can feel good about and then flop in a heap from emotional exhaustion.  I wonder how I got myself in this state and how do I get out.  I know many have experienced this realization.

 

I found myself overwhelmed with responsibilities and began questioning my competence.  Homeschooling my oldest was much "easier" than it has been with my youngest.  Realizing that my youngest learns differently and trying to find the most suited learning techniques has been quite the challenge.  I should mention that my daughter is coming along well with her education and I don't foresee any distressing future issues.  With that being said, we still struggled this week and I sat exhausted and in question. 

 

Along with my feelings of incompetence in this homeschooling area, I beat myself even more trying to balance photography and church responsibilities.  "I'm going to disappoint people." "Why did I sign up for this?"  " Why did I say, 'Okay' to this?" "I don't think I'm good enough for this." Again, I sat in total emotional exhaustion.

 

If those feelings were not enough, a discrepancy (that I did not ask for) with an extended family member would certainly push me over the edge.

 

Why? Why am I feeling overwhelmed and incompetent during this season of life? Why am I questioning myself?  How do I succeed in all of these areas? Is it even possible? Or do I just "throw in the towel"?

 

And then I read this:

 

Nothing is impossible for you

because all things are possible for the God who lives within you.

There's no obstacle too great, no wall too high, no valley too low.

You can get through it, over it, beyond it together.

With Him, you have more than enough...

you have everything you need

and you're everything you need to be

for His purposes to prevail in your life.

Holley Gerth

 

I sat in wonder and amazement that my God would reassure me that my purposes will be fulfilled with Him.  And that reassurance is enough to pull up my bootstraps and charge forward.

And so, I begin my day feeling revitalized and very much competent!!

 

Let's Do This!

 

I Need Courage...

Time for a revelation.

The other day I was contemplating how I would answer when I was asked to take photos for a Senior photo shoot.  My first impulse was to say "no."  I thought of many reasons why I couldn't or why I wouldn't.  I'm just a mom; a mom who enjoys taking photos of her own children. I wanted nothing to do with the responsibility of taking photos of others. At the same time, there was an overwhelming excitement.  That excitement was fleeting; fear took over and I decided to not give an answer right away.  I needed to pray about this.

I'm not sure what I prayed, I just remember thinking, 'Is this what you want me to do?' I thought of my responsibilities of being a stay-at-home-mom and how I would prepare for my future plans once Alayah was enrolled in public school and once Alexa was in college.  I called it, The Two Year Plan.  In the meantime, I would take as many photography classes as possible and really hone in on technique.  Maybe then, after two years, I might be ready for something more "serious." Sounds reasonable, doesn't it?  It did to me.

'It's now. The time is now.' This was the thought running through my mind.  Why am I so afraid?

In an instant, I thought of my daughter Alexa and all the things she has accomplished because she 'gave it a chance.' I remembered the time when she was five years old and asked if she could go play with the new neighbor.  I said, "But you don't know them." She quickly answered, "I will go and say 'hi' and then I will know them."  Motherly wisdom took over and I let her go meet the neighbor, not wanting to attach my insecurities on to her. I remembered when she played soccer for the first time.  She ran.  That was about all she did.  She just ran; back and forth, and round in circles.  I remember thinking, 'She is way more courageous than I am.'  I remembered the time she asked, "Why am I not in dance?" And so, we put her in dance.  She went on to join a competition team and danced her heart away in front of hundreds of people! She also joined a softball team for a few years all because I asked her if she would be interested.  In middle school she joined Literary and again found herself in front of people and judges waiting for critique!! Really? Her courage continued with school plays and speech team.

It was her high school fall play, Letters To Sala, that did it for me.  My brave girl gave an outstanding performance with a strained voice.  I sat beaming and amazed, once again, at her courage.  I then hear my voice speak to her, "Just do your best! You will never know what you are capable of if you don't give it a chance."

And so I say, "Yes." I say yes to the photo shoot.  Not because I think I'm amazing, but because I need courage. I need courage....like, her.