I Need Courage...

Time for a revelation.

The other day I was contemplating how I would answer when I was asked to take photos for a Senior photo shoot.  My first impulse was to say "no."  I thought of many reasons why I couldn't or why I wouldn't.  I'm just a mom; a mom who enjoys taking photos of her own children. I wanted nothing to do with the responsibility of taking photos of others. At the same time, there was an overwhelming excitement.  That excitement was fleeting; fear took over and I decided to not give an answer right away.  I needed to pray about this.

I'm not sure what I prayed, I just remember thinking, 'Is this what you want me to do?' I thought of my responsibilities of being a stay-at-home-mom and how I would prepare for my future plans once Alayah was enrolled in public school and once Alexa was in college.  I called it, The Two Year Plan.  In the meantime, I would take as many photography classes as possible and really hone in on technique.  Maybe then, after two years, I might be ready for something more "serious." Sounds reasonable, doesn't it?  It did to me.

'It's now. The time is now.' This was the thought running through my mind.  Why am I so afraid?

In an instant, I thought of my daughter Alexa and all the things she has accomplished because she 'gave it a chance.' I remembered the time when she was five years old and asked if she could go play with the new neighbor.  I said, "But you don't know them." She quickly answered, "I will go and say 'hi' and then I will know them."  Motherly wisdom took over and I let her go meet the neighbor, not wanting to attach my insecurities on to her. I remembered when she played soccer for the first time.  She ran.  That was about all she did.  She just ran; back and forth, and round in circles.  I remember thinking, 'She is way more courageous than I am.'  I remembered the time she asked, "Why am I not in dance?" And so, we put her in dance.  She went on to join a competition team and danced her heart away in front of hundreds of people! She also joined a softball team for a few years all because I asked her if she would be interested.  In middle school she joined Literary and again found herself in front of people and judges waiting for critique!! Really? Her courage continued with school plays and speech team.

It was her high school fall play, Letters To Sala, that did it for me.  My brave girl gave an outstanding performance with a strained voice.  I sat beaming and amazed, once again, at her courage.  I then hear my voice speak to her, "Just do your best! You will never know what you are capable of if you don't give it a chance."

And so I say, "Yes." I say yes to the photo shoot.  Not because I think I'm amazing, but because I need courage. I need courage....like, her.